June 2011
1 post
the vulnerability of someone else's consent
This is going to be terrifyingly honest and extremely graphic; there is an end to these means, I promise. My girlfriend of three months and I went to the art museum today and saw the new exhibition. Afterwards we walked through the rain to get a burger and then back to her apartment. It was around 6:30 and I was supposed to meet a friend at the gym at 7pm to lift; she was running an errand on...
December 2010
1 post
the ex
Went back and read old tumblr posts. There was a point where I really did like her and where I was very happy about dating her. I’m not sure what happened. It’s sadder than I admitted at the time.
(I’m always sad about break-ups two months late.)
November 2010
3 posts
I like being gay because it means instead of competing with other women, I get to lust after them, and I no longer have that sick-to-my-stomach feeling when the prettiest girl in the room gets all the attention, unless, you know, she’s ignoring me. :)
I just slept with a girl who has a girlfriend and am a little bit in love with a confused straight girl who will probably break my heart.
But I’m still happier than when I was dating someone who I knew was wrong for me.
faux-hawks make my panties drop.
June 2010
2 posts
Betrayal
can be big. It can make the national news, depending who you are.
It doesn’t have to be, though.
The accomplice in your betrayal may not even know you exist, but it is still a betrayal.
It can be small, barely noticable.
Like the eyeliner I just put on. I’m not wearing it for her.
That is a betrayal.
my heart is a muscle
and i’m gonna use it to love
April 2010
1 post
Dykeball is this friday. I’ve wanted to go since before coming to college. So excited.
March 2010
13 posts
Nicki Minaj is the Black Lady Gaga →
Check around 2:12.
I feel like I have this one experience with almost everyone I date in any capacity.
Two to four weeks in, they invite me to an event surrounded by all their friends, and for some reason I have to come late, and when I finally show up, they’re too wasted to even say hello. I stand around awkwardly, and at some point they either figure their shit out and the night is saved, or that marks the...
You know how I know my friend is a bitch?
She looks at girls who were hotter freshman year and says, “I’m happy she got fat.”
You know how I know I’m gay?
I look at the same girls and say,
“Yeah, they were hotter before, but I’d still hit that…”
the girl im dating now, who i really like and who likes me, has a collage of individually framed pictures above her bed, one of which is her and her ex. they dated for two years and broke up at the end of the summer. the ex moved to california and i don’t think they are speaking (they were gonna have lunch before she left but decided it was a bad idea). i only know that the girl in the...
Was on Autostraddle for a bit, then went on facebook, then saw a picture of this girl, and was like wait…So familiar…I don’t know her but I feel like I just saw her face…
Def just saw Autonatic in someone’s pictures on facebook.
TOO WEIRD.
“And yet she had imagined she was prepared for it, had expected it, was already...”
– The Glimpses of the Moon by Edith Wharton
Pockets and Purses Give Up Their Secrets →
14 is my favorite.
You might not like this,
and it might not make sense right now,
but trust me when I say
being taller or smaller
or prettier or lighter
won’t make you any happier.
I’ve known plenty of rich beautiful people who were truly miserable
and plenty of girls
who other girls would say need to lose 10 pounds
who were gloriously happy.
The body doesn’t matter, just the brain...
“There were lots of lesbians that I was obsessed with when I didn’t know why,...”
– Beth Ditto, via Autostraddle
best friend: someone said they were “listening to their gut” and i said “maybe we shouldn’t listen to organs designed to produce shit” me: haha what’d they say? best friend: nothing, really me: though the enteric nervous system is much more complex than we realize
Something about dating a girl has massively decreased my need to tumble. It’s like, I’m gay enough in real life that I have less of a need to live it out online.
Part of it, though, is that dating someone makes me especially happy, so I write less. And I have three tests this week.
I’ve come out to approximately 20 people in the past couple weeks. Feels good.
As always, am...
February 2010
12 posts
"Are you sad that you're never going to live a...
She asked.
I was confused. It had never occured to me. I still plan to get married and have kids and live in the suburbs and water my lawn and go to peewee soccer games.
I think she would have to understand how absolutely terrified I was of the idea of dating and marrying men, to really get it. It’s not awkward to date a girl. This feels normal. This feels right.
I am an Equal Opportunity Lover.
though my friends say I’m affirmative action.
I am white. Two of the three people I’ve had sex with are black. The ratio falls if you count people I’ve dated, people I’ve kissed, people I’ve found attractive. It just so happens that two of the people I’ve been most intimate have darker skin than I do (Much more importantly, they are both very attractive. ...
Interested in...
Women?
No.
Gay women.
There’s a difference.
straight girl crushes
saw her in the hall today. was so so so excited.
I’ve been seeing this girl lately, but I would drop her in a second if hallway girl implied for a second that she was anything but 100% hetero. Hallway has never had a boyfriend, though she has hooked up with guys.
But only drunk ones? That she didn’t know?
Should I just ask her? She’s graduating in June. I could play it off...
came out to a bunch of my friends
feels good.
i kindof miss having a secret, though :-).
went out to Guerrilla Queer Bar at The Kells with a friend. She introduced me to a couple of her friends. One of them was super drunk and was like “omg we can be best friends…even if you’re straight…” and I was like “erm definitely not straight.” I have long hair and blend my eye shadows. I don’t give off the gay vibe.
This random guy came up to...
saw this girl today, for the second time. the first time was a few days ago, when i also literally ran into her. i like her freckles. i want to know who she is.
annkerr:
“(614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches.”
—
textsfromlastnight.com (via fuckyeahlgbt)
$120 since June :-).
”..when I stopped looking in the mirror and seeing that bullied sweaty/needy girl who needed a boyfriend ’cause she’d heard it was the best band-aid on the market…” -When I Knew I Was Gay
Or maybe it was when I noticed how incredibly excited I was to walk into Diesel Cafe.
boxer briefs for girls!
these came in the mail today. so exciting.
the ex
ex: Can I ask you some awkward questions?
me: probably.
ex: Since you’d only had sex with real guys (his phrasing, not mine), was it awkward or weird to have sex with me?
me: I’m not going to give you advice about what to do with your new girlfriend.
ex: No, it’s not that. I was talking with some guys like me, and they said that having sex sometimes ended up being so...
There is this very cute and very gay administrative assistant in one of offices at my school. I check her out every time I walk past her office. Today she was wearing these adorable black framed glasses. It made me smile.
La Roux is amazing.
Just saw her at the ‘Dise.
Her songs make me think of this past summer and october and liking girls.
I have a deep affection and long-running affection for redheads (Little Mermaid, Jessica Rabbit, Julianne Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Emma Stone, La Roux).
January 2010
23 posts
whoops
Friend: …yeah, I think she just got back together with him so she doesn’t have to deal with the whole liking girls thi-
Me: (distressed half-laugh sound) I get that.
me (in my head): OMG why did I say that ahhh…
It just slipped out. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.
I do get that, though. I was talking to the “she” in the above conversation a few nights...
craigslist
I was going to go to Rocker Grrrl last night, but of the three people who I was gonna go with, one got sick, one hurt her ankle, and the other got seated too late at dinner. I try to maintain a certain level of gayness in my life, because it keeps me sane, so I was sad not to go.
I’m starting to come out to people more, but I still have doubts I suppose. I feel…80% gay. Not as gay...
She thought that I was afraid because if I was in a relationship with a girl, it would be harder for me because I’d have to publicly admit to people that I wasn’t straight. I think it’s the opposite. If you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s like “Here is this person towards whom I am directing all my sexual energy.” If people are really...
Yesterday I bought this in black and this in pink.
I am wearing the second item now and it feels good, but it also kindof reminds me of my ex, who I still love and hate and generally avoid thinking about.
It is snowing and the new semester is beginning.
“Butch up. (verb) To develop a backbone or stiff upper lip; to quit whining and...”
– Stumptuous
Far more treacherous than believing that you need a hero, is believing that everyone else needs you to be one.
I thought I needed to save him, she thought she needed to save me. And we were so stunned when the world kept on turning, with or without our tending.
why the state change?
Studies of Women, Gender, and Sexuality 1254. Sex and the Brain - (New Course) Catalog Number: 99089 Gillian Einstein Critical exploration of the scientific literature underlying the idea that female/male, gay/straight, and transgendered behaviors are based on fundamental differences in brain physiology. Includes a close reading of original scientific papers, to analyze theoretical...
I started liking men a lot more once I realized I didn’t have to love one.
it's ok to be Chinese
xxboy:
part of me wants to deconstruct gender roles and part of me wants to just happily accept them and step into the man’s role.
i am conflicted!
so much of my life has been about deconstructing gender boundaries, socially and even scientifically. i have preached that the “natural” differences between men and women are so slim and non-important that we should be living in a gender...
Men and Guys
Forget the Men. Pick a Guy. A Modern Love article from the New York Times.
“Guys are often in between things like jobs and houses, which means they’re more likely to stay up with you all night, drinking wine and playing gin rummy. They’ll rub your belly. They’ll lick chocolate off it. They’ll like your cute little dog. A guy is never going to shoot Old Yeller in the woods.
Then again, guys...
label of the day
lesbian with daddy issues?
i don’t know what i want from men.
at least i’m very sure of what i want from women.
i know it’s silly and wrongheaded to worry so much about labeling myself, but i’m compulsively analytical.
thanks to pinktacolovers for linking to my tumblr :-).
going to a drag show tonight. tried to buy alcohol for the first time today, to take to a...
